Dating: Equal Opportunity Employer

So when it comes to dating I am an EOE or Equal Opportunity Employer. To me limiting yourself to a type is boring. Diversity is king. I have dated guys who were short, tall, fat, thin, older, younger, flamboyant, stoic, bland, quiet, loud, black, white, mixed, Asian, Native American, French, Korean Filipino, American, and South African. They were all tops or versatile though. And the one thing, after all this dating, I learned was told to me by one of my first boyfriends, Juan. He said just before he broke up with me that Men can be dogs and Gay Men are the worst. But that isn't the point of this post.

Anyway I question when a type becomes a fetish and a lack of a type becomes a buffet. I know some friends who only date younger. They state that the youth of their partner helps them maintain a finger on the pulse of the world. I knew one girl in my early 20's who would only date black men from Africa. Her tastes were that specific. When another friend finds a new boyfriend, the guy is sure to be White, American, Preppy. For me that gets boring.

The first time I dated I was dating two guys at once: one was white and the other Native American. I think variety is the spice of life and dating shouldn't be limited to a fetishized type but I have had people comment I will date any man with a pulse. Not true. I do have some external deal breakers that won't be discussed here. But when it comes to marriage: is it more difficult for EOE daters such as myself to find a person to walk down the aisle with and easier for those specific types to find the one to build a life with? I wonder if true monogamy can be had with types like myself.

Is Monogamy Monotony?

Chow Down at Chick-fil-A or Don't

So I eat at Chick-fil-A. Yes! Go ahead and boo me. I don't care. Look. I ain't all happy about it but when I was working at the Mall it was the best place to get food on a lunch break. As my friend T------- says sometimes you gotta be about that life. She was referencing Starbucks but this could be used for a lot of stuff. I ate at Chick-fil-A before I knew about the Hate Gay thing and I ate there after the whole Hate Gay thing.

I am not a boycott kinda queen. I don't think this works. I believe change happens within systems more so than outside systems. Not to say that when I order a combo, I am espousing my gayness but boycotting something doesn't work in the way it used too. Look at Paula Dean. We all thought her career was over when she was outed as a racist but she is now hocking furniture, has endorsements again, and if she can cut the melodramatics and make a sincere apology will win back a big portion of her fans once she shows up on Dancing with the Stars. I am tuning in to see Gary Busey btw. I became a kinda fan of his when he appeared on Celebrity Big Brother UK.

To alleviate some of the guilt I have when I occasionally eat at Chick-fil-A, I use their wifi and play Willam Belli's song Chow Down at Chick-fil-A. I feel like this takes away some of the badness I should feel at eating their delicious waffle fries.

What is something you do that you shouldn't do?

A James Bond Post: Idris Elba and Sam Smith.

Until Daniel Craig embodied the role of James Bond, I never found the character sexy. By the time Bond was on my radar, Sean Connery had vacated the post and Roger Moore was the new Bond. I always found Roger Moore a bit silly, and I also think he helped usher in the era of Bond as a Fop.
Moore, Dalton, and Brosnan were all sophisticated, yet silly in their tailoring, their mannerisms too upper crust British (at least to a young American eye) to be taken seriously as a killer spy, so because of this I never found any sensations stirring down below while watching them. Until Craig entered the picture that is. Moore, Dalton, and Brosnan may fit the more Golden Ratio idea of male beauty but Craig exudes swagger. You know when he fucks you that you are getting a man who doesn't care if you touch his hair. Which takes me to the rumors of another man of swagger who has longed been associated with the possibility of playing Bond: Idris Elba.

Idris Elba is sex on a stick. A face that comes close to Golden Ratio perfection but flawed enough to give him a real world appeal. Again he has swagger. I loved that part in Prometheus when he propositioned Charlize Theron's character. It was in that scene I knew he would give you the right attention in bed as he lay on top you loving you down so good you are screaming (Macy Gray). But unlike Craig, I think he has a sophistication that the old Guard had without the foppish tendencies.

Now on to Sam Smith: The gay, male version of Adele. I am not so shocked to see Smith chosen as the next singer for the Bond Theme song. Other than a similar sound to Skyfall (a song that is up there with Dame Shirely Bassey's trilogy, featuring the iconic Goldfinger) I don't see what Smith will bring. I always have been a reluctant fan of Smith: his vulnerability which helped him turn a fumbled first outing into a male Siren, singing about the heart and the repercussions of scorn, has always seemed a bit calculated. How does his Siren voice fit into a genre that embodies misogynistic, hyper heteronormative sexuality?

Oh Well. Who is your favorite Bond and What is your favorite Bond Song?

The video posted is a parody of 'Stay with Me'. Hope you enjoy it. Kinda NSFW.

Dating Younger or What's age got to do with it?

So I know it's been a while. Anyway. I went on a date Saturday. His name is Alex and I met him on Grindr. I know meeting guys online. "Not worth it. Blah. Blah. Blah." Let me counter you with this: even in progressive cities such as Atlanta, meeting guys online is safer for gays, and queers.

So let's get back to the dating part. I knew he was 10 years younger than me but I didn't know he was 10 years younger than me. What I mean is the level of maturity displayed on the phone didn't match up, as much, in real life. The date went well but the over sharing of youth, the know it all--seen it all attitude (not strong with him but still there), owning a wallet with a chain, and the small things that being in your late thirties affords you that you still lack in your twenties, such as knowing yourself politically without the influence of family, began to add up.

I've dated guys in their 20's as a man in my 30's and I usually find myself sliding into a big brother role. Not something I want in a romantic relationship: Sibcest is not appealing to me. Also I usually have to take the lead in a relationship with a younger guy and as someone whose job for many years meant taking the lead and managing others, whether that be in a retail environment or in the classroom, I prefer in my romantic relationships to be more passive. Not submissive. I don't like anyone to be in control over me essentially, but in matters such as where to eat and what to see, as long as I have a veto for the things I really don't care to participate in, I don't mind a guy or even a friend making the mundane decisions. I digress.

Beyond the youthful grating, I had fun on the date. He was nice. Funny, Cute with light, blue eyes.
He paid the bill, which I was surprised because I am older than him and I initiated the meeting. We were circling a date but he wouldn't act and I found myself being the reluctant leader (it's something I realized I was in Leadership class--a required class for one of my school scholarships). We then went to a movie (I paid) and chatted while waiting for the movie. We saw Minions. Yes I know, here I am complaining about his immaturity and we see Minions. I conceded to watching it because other than Sinister 2, it was the only other movie I hadn't see yet. We ended up back at my place and shared an awkward kiss.

I've still been talking to him since Saturday but I am not sure about where this is going. Or I should say I am not sure where I want to go with this. Unlike the Youth Minister I know Alex is really interested in me but like the Youth Minister I want someone near my age or older. I see the irony of this dating cycle with the last one. the irony of age in both cases. HMMMM!

So: Would you date someone 10 years younger?