Chappy: The Death of Grindr?

One of the great things about online dating for gay men is the safety of it all. Mostly! (I am looking at you South Korea's Military.) But when the trade off for safety from the outside world becomes sexualized bullying in cyberspace, what are the solutions? 

Chappy is a dating app that is designed to take away the bigotry that grows in insular, gay, online communities. (Even Growlr is guilty of this--though not as bad as Grindr.) 

I tried it out and so far so good. I haven't been on a date, yet. The pool of guys is not as deep as some of the other apps but hopefully that will change.

Not to say that Grinder, Growlr, Jack'd, etc. are all bad. If you are still looking for a good time. (Fucking.)  Those apps are the place to be and get off. But if you are looking for more, Chappy seems to fill that mostly empty niche.

How do you deal with online dating discrimination?

Marvel VS. DC: Who's supes are hotter?

I've always had a soft spot for Superman even as a little gayby. I wanted to fly with Superman to his Fortress of Solitude and just hold hands and maybe kiss. (I was a kid, what did I know!)

 But now as an adult male who has done adult male things with other adult men (Anal is for everyone.) I find myself crushing on a different kind of superhero. Mark Ruffalo's portrayal as Bruce Banner is brown flower puckering. I swoon when I see that sexy nerd smile. Thor: Ragnarok was a brilliant comedy with eye candy shots of Chris Hemsworth and my eternal crush Mark Ruffalo. 

I did see Justice League this week and though not bad, I didn't find myself falling in lust with any of the characters. Which is sad because Henry Cavill is a specimen of a man but with a personality as flat as stale lube. Even Jason Momoa's Aquaman didn't stir any lusty urges, though there were some shots of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne that caught my attention. (Maybe it was my mind wandering to that shower scene in Gone Girl.)

Oh Well, maybe next time DC.

Which Superhero do you lust after?

Was I being Flirted with or Harassed, and should I care?

With hundreds of thousands of blog posts being devoted to the eruption of Cosby, Weinstein, Spacey, Moore, etc., it is hard to add to the dialogue that isn't unique. 

But here I go. 

I have been the subject (not victim and that is controversial to say in itself) of groping, lewd conversations, harassment, inappropriate jokes, and more by BOTH SEXES and Orientations. By friends, strangers, and all that in-between, including close family friends and one god-parent.

In fact I had a sexual relationship with one of my professors when I was in my early twenties that began with a grope. However, I found out from a female classmate that had been propositioned by him that she was thinking of reporting him. I never disclosed my relationship with him nor did I discourage her from her inclinations. I also didn't forewarn him. I took such a neutral, indifferent stance that it still makes me wonder if I am not quite right when it comes to this topic.

But my point is, I have been the subject of unwanted sexual advancements that I ended up liking. So what does that say about me? And many times I didn't like it, and only once did I feel the need to report a time when I was sexually harassed, on a bus here in Atlanta. And even then I didn't feel like a victim. Actually I felt like a victim from the police officers who barely took my report of being flashed and then harassed, seriously. 

Here's the thing too, In the gay community we seem to hold aggressive, sexual advancements with a bit of levity that might not exist in other communities, some actually call it flirting. Not to say that is correct but it's true and prevalent. 

So what do you think about this topic? Very curious. 

To (gay) Russia With Love

I haven't blogged in a while. But when I logged back on here I saw that most of my recent audience stats were Russian. (United States and South Korea were the top two which makes sense since I am an American who lived in the ROK for 7 years.) I have always found Russian men hot. There is something about their stoic-ness that always got me heated. Something about the way I imagined them fucking in the snow with their fur coats in a deliberate way always seemed to pucker my brown flower. Anyway. I haven't really paid much attention to Russia or it's hot men unless it is CNN and Anderson Cooper discussing Russian probing---there is a bad joke there that I am not going to do! HA!

But the gay news about Russia isn't so hot. Gay men have been vilified in Russia and Chechnya. And Killed! I don't know what to do and it hurts my heart when I read or hear about the killing and torturing of gay men and women. So to my LGBTQ readers and allies of Russia, I love you and you are not deserving of this.

Now a palate cleanser, let's celebrate the hotness of Pavel Petel. If you don't know Pavel Petel, I suggest you check him out. He is an amazing gender queer artist!























How can we help the Chechnya and Russian LGBT?

Boys are fine but I want Men!

I first heard of Charli XCX when Iggy Azalea (remember her....... I know) was getting Fancy! 

Since then she hasn't really been on my radar but that changed with her latest video "Boys". I love the video, especially the way different shapes, sizes, and races are included. All the 'boys' are famous and yes good looking (Though my brown flower particularly puckered seeing Joe Jonas licking that milk off his face.) 

The song itself is catchy and you find yourself humming it afterwards. I like this trend of male objectifying. Next I want a song about Men, however!

Are you always thinking about Boys?

BTW: This is the lyric video because for some reason I can't upload the real video here. Go check it out though!

Masc for Masc: Internalized Homophobia or Just Preference?

So about two weeks ago, on my birthday, I was in Savannah. I wasn't there to cruise or hook up. I was only there to sun and rest from some turbulent 5 months at my job and to celebrate solo on my 39th birthday. But like all of us men, who love and/or fuck other men, do in a new city (unless we are in a committed, healthy relationship--phuleese!) I took out Grindr and Growlr and dipped into the local scene to see what type of fauna (bears, and otters and wolves--oh my!) was available.

Eventually I heard the notification ringing and the guy on the other end began the dance called: Do you wanna Fuck. But toward the end of the conversation, he asked if I was masc or femme. I can be a limp-wristed fairy especially when I am hocking lotion at work but I consider myself more neutral in mannerisms. Still I don't especially care one way or the other. When the wannabe 'Bro' pulled out that phrase, I gave his profile a deeper look and realized he was either very closeted and/or married or just a self-hating queer. None of which appealed to me.

I ended up blocking him but the question he asked continues to nag at me. I know that preferences are very sectionalized in the LGBTQ community but I wonder if that leads to or is systematic to internalized prejudices or fears. When people ask me what type of guy I like, I know, especially living in Atlanta and having lived in Korea, they are asking first on race and then consecutively on other qualifiers. I usually quip about being an equal opportunity employer on such matters (and mostly mean it) but it chafes at me how quick we are to categorize and label and yes I am aware I do it as well.

So that leads to my question: Is it Just Preference or Is It Discrimination?

RIP Romero

I believe zombies can happen. This is why they terrify me. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with all things horror. As an adult, I usually steer clear of horror with zombies, scary aliens, and evil. All other things I can handle but those I can't deal with and when it comes to zombies I partially blame Romero.

George Romero changed the world by introducing us to our deepest fears. He challenged us to ask are we really a vapid culture. Many times it wasn't the zombies who carried out great evil but the people reacting to the zombies. His legacy will be felt in the horror world for generations. Just stay in the ground George.

Thank you Mr. Romero.