P*rn St*r

I wanted to be a porn star when I was younger, that or a professional hooker. (Yes I mean professional hooker instead of the amateur stuff I would do with older men for material possessions. Basically for a brief time I was a Sugar Baby, but I digress.) But things didn't work out for me in that arena. For one I don't have a Porn Penis. A Porn Penis defined by me is a penis 7 inches or longer and has a good girth (circumference has never been my strong suit). My penis is nice. Nice looking and a good shape and thickness but no, I am not hung. The second most important reason is I can't have sex when I don't like a person. Now I like more guys than I don't but the lack of arousal when I am not into a guy is significant. For one, being a grower and not a shower is a big indicator that I am not that into a guy and the back end doesn't open up. I do wonder if in another universe if there is a Gaye Lauren doing porn at the moment.

Would you be a porn star in another universe?

Ron Jeremy: The human porn troll

Ron Jeremy is disgusting, physically. I first really became aware of Ron when he was on the Surreal Life with Tammy Faye Bakker. I had seen his work once when I procured an old VHS copy of his porn from our neighbors the Byrds in the trailerhood I grew up in, but when I had a come to Jesus phase, where I thought I was going to hell for the consumption of pornographic materials and for loving the cock, well I threw out that video. The scene that is memorable for me is where he is eating out a woman. Not sure why that is, especially since I don't like vaginas. Anyway when I watched that show I thought he was a lovely, thoughtful man and good looking because of those characteristics. Not good looking the way you would think of an average Joe but palatable. It would be years later I would get curious about his porn skills again and would watch his videos. The man is disgusting. I would still let him fuck me though.

Who would be your ugly fuck?

Hot for Jesus?

I read once that Tori Amos thought Jesus was hot when she would see him on the cross. When I first read that I balked at the thought of sexualizing God incarnate. I was torn in my need to be me, completely unfiltered, and this need to find salvation. Somehow when I was younger I thought I was damaged goods and only God would be able to correct this. I was attracted to men but knew this was wrong. Or at least wrong in the paradigm I was living in where women couldn't cut their hair and had to wear ugly blue jean skirts. Without makeup or any adornments other than their watches and wedding rings. The desexualization of the female form. The demonization of the gay man. Music like Tori Amos' helped kick start the free thinking that would lead me to where I am now. So when I see pics of Jesus on the Cross sometimes I think about what she said and wonder, Was Jesus hot?

Open Post: Secret Turn Ons

I am secretly turned on by a guy's body odor. Not the kind that smells like shit, or unwashed ass. Or even nasty feet. I mean the day old smell of sweat and testosterone. When a guy hasn't showered after a night at the gym and wakes up with that slightly acrid smell. What are your secret turn ons?

Republican Sexuality Or Grab Them by the Genitals!

I have been quiet. Work (the kind that pays the bills at the moment), life, and all the other flotsam and jetsam of life has kept me away. Also not having a nice computer. I just bought a Chromebook though and LOVE IT.

But that isn't the top of this post. I want to talk about Republican Sexuality. Donald Trump said he could get away with grabbing women by the Pussy. And he did. He won the election (Yes! Hillary won the popular vote but those votes are coming in from places like California, not states like Pennsylvania, unfortunately.) This type of sexuality seems to be acceptable by many republicans: Heterosexual assault, rape, etc. But Heaven's Forbid a gay man sticking his cock in another man's mouth, or allow two lesbians to play a game of fingers! The hypocrisy. Oh Well, I wonder if I can grab a man by the Dick?

The Return of Gaye Lauren

I started blogging as Gaye Lauren and wrote a sex book. It was building momentum and then I stopped. I stopped because I didn't think that beginning a career as a sex blogger was what I wanted. I stopped because I began to date Mr. Show. (Mr. Show turned into Mr. Verbally Abusive who then tried to hit me one night. Yes I left him ASAP.) Mr. Show never really supported this blog or my desires to explore sex, to explore what it is that makes people tick. Also Mr. Show was awful at sex. I tried to spice things up on a couple of occasions. Even suggested we fuck around in a dressing room at Dillards, but NOTHING.  The thing was  Mr. Show was of the "I'll make love to you--Boys II Men" variety whereas I have always been more of the "Closer-Fuck me like an animal-NIN" variety.

I broke up with Mr. Show in February and I thought of immediately bringing this blog back to life but I didn't. I wasn't ready. I am now though. I want this to be a new start. I don't know what will come of this blog or what will come of my exploration of sex but I will continue. I did have sex with two guys after Mr. Show and it was AMAZING--and with one guy a bit dirty, since then I haven't been sexually active. Not saying that is going to change but I am open.

Have you ever dropped the ball on a project that you realized gave you life?

Bernie, Bros, and Bullies

Bernie Sanders bothers me to my core. And I don't know why. I wish I could encapsulate this feeling of bothersome in a tweet, hashtag, or meme that would be easily digestible to the fast food culture of America but I can't and that bothers me too.

 

Growing up my mom cultivated in me the internal bullshit meter that I naturally had. This BS meter has served me well when I listen to it and when I don’t, has guided me back like a touchstone when the consequences of ignoring it become too great. Once, when I was on the verge of 9 and my brother 19, my mother and older sister asked me what I thought of my brother’s girlfriend Pam after spending a day with her (accompanied by my little sister). Pam had done all she could to gain the favor of her boyfriend’s little brother and sister and I saw right through her. When my mom asked me what I thought of Pam, I said instinctively that she was a bitch and instead of being punished by my mom for using such a bad word, she laughed and agreed. I had succinctly encapsulated a horrible beast that would in the future near tear my family apart. (If only they had listened!)

This talent of mine has even dazzled my last Korean co-workers who were amazed that I could read a student on the first meeting. They called my gift ‘sensing’ and wondered how, with my limited Korean language abilities along with my once a week exposure to each class, I could know the true character of a student. I couldn’t quite explain. Many times people think I am quick to judge but when I am proven right are either amazed or ignore this talent until they need it. I once saw right through the husband of a popular American couple in Korea. This couple had glamoured all my friends. They thought of this couple, especially the husband, as a gold standard; cool in their near hipster affectations. I thought the husband was a slut and the wife full of shit. The husband proved just that and the wife has now renounced her smug ways by divorcing the slut husband. (I still think she is full of shit but maybe this will come to light later.) But I digress, as I am quick to do.

So I have thought long and hard about why Bernie bothers me and I have come to the conclusion that he is a condescending bully who thinks he is near perfect in his messiah complex and damns anyone who doesn’t live up to his idea of perfection; which incites his Bernie Bros, and the female equivalent, to antagonize Hillary Clinton so much so that it borders on, if not spills over, into nasty misogyny. This encapsulation is far from a hashtag and couldn’t quite be a meme. Maybe a tweet, but in Twitterland this tweet would quickly be absorbed by the constant chirps of social media.

Last night’s debate though may have helped in exposing Bernie for the bully he is. Numerously telling Hillary to be quiet, getting the white privilege problem wrong, and getting angry when his record was called into question but near leering at how flawed Secretary Clinton has been in her long history of public service. I wish he had exposed himself more for the bully he truly is, near in kin with Trump than this cool hipster chic of Vermont open-mindedness. But Santa doesn’t always give us the gifts we want.

And yes, for the record, I know Hillary herself is full of shit on a lot of topics but she wears it on her sleeves and strives to do better when she knows better. If Santa truly knew my heart, I would have gotten a Biden bid but alas that didn’t come to pass. (Unless Hillary is indicted—we can only hope.) Biden/Warren ’16