I just finished reading Laurell K. Hamilton's Dead Ice. BTW I used to be a big Anita Blake fan (Anita is Laurell's main character in her vampire series) but at present I find her and the series tedious, particularly when she is talking about relationships and her harem of male lovers (occasional female). I read the book after a ten book boycott because I was at the library and saw the hardcover of Dead Ice featured. I opened the book midway and Anita was dealing with a case that seemed to be old school Anita. Anita Blake back in the day when she was fighting monsters, raising the dead (literally--she is an animator/necromancer), and solving mysteries. I missed this Anita, so much that I started reading the book from the beginning instead of doing actual work. I felt that fevered rush I had in the early days of the series. And the new novel was dealing with a case that brought back old memories and players from the second book in the series. The Laughing Corpse actually gave me nightmares after reading it. I had nightmares that Dominga Salvador (Anita's nemesis in the novel) was trying to get me in my sleep the same way she did with Anita in a monstrous scene of Zombies attacking our heroine in her sleep.
Anyway this is not an Anita Blake/Laurell K. Hamilton post only. I want to talk about Bottoms. In the gay community a bottom is a guy who takes the dick up the ass. To a straight couple I would be considered the female counterpart since I am a bottom. Many people think however being a bottom, taking it up the ass, makes me a submissive, but as I have heard many gay, male bottoms say (I have paraphrased this sentiment a few times myself) taking a dick up the ass isn't for the weak. In the gay community though being a bottom is seen as weak. As a position that feminizes the male in some way. (Yes, Virginia, Misogyny does exist in the gay community!) I am a power bottom. I don't lie there letting my brown flower get pounded unless I am feeling lazy. To me sex is about active participation. Some men however think being a top means they are in a dominant power position inside and outside the sexual boundaries of the relationship. I don't like power plays within relationships unless you are in an established BDSM relationship. BDSM is short hand for relationships that involve Bondage, Dominance, Submission, and Masochism. Which is why I started this post talking about Laurell K. Hamilton.
One of the criticisms I have read online about the series is how Anita's sexuality has taken over the show. Some have accused Hamilton of just writing Porn Without Plot ( I have too). But Anita's sexuality hasn't just opened up to having random sex with near strangers at the detriment of the plot but the character has also been exploring the subculture of BDSM, way before 50 Shades of Bad Writing came along. As I wrote earlier, I have a ten book gap but I am not surprised that Anita has now taken up BDSM. Just before I boycotted the series BDSM was beginning to show up in the periphery. In BDSM a bottom is someone who receives the action: whipping, spanking, getting fucked, etc. But being a bottom doesn't make one a submissive. I really enjoy getting fucked. I don't enjoy fucking. If I were to be in an active BDSM relationship I would have a top who would be submissive in every other way since I can't myself be submissive. (I have experimented with submissive sex play and yes I will say for one guy I was with I was able to do it, but even then I found the role tiresome.) Because I don't want this post to be a TL;DR post I will stop here but I want to ask.
How do you feel about submission and dominance in a relationship?
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