Chappy: The Death of Grindr?

One of the great things about online dating for gay men is the safety of it all. Mostly! (I am looking at you South Korea's Military.) But when the trade off for safety from the outside world becomes sexualized bullying in cyberspace, what are the solutions? 

Chappy is a dating app that is designed to take away the bigotry that grows in insular, gay, online communities. (Even Growlr is guilty of this--though not as bad as Grindr.) 

I tried it out and so far so good. I haven't been on a date, yet. The pool of guys is not as deep as some of the other apps but hopefully that will change.

Not to say that Grinder, Growlr, Jack'd, etc. are all bad. If you are still looking for a good time. (Fucking.)  Those apps are the place to be and get off. But if you are looking for more, Chappy seems to fill that mostly empty niche.

How do you deal with online dating discrimination?

Marvel VS. DC: Who's supes are hotter?

I've always had a soft spot for Superman even as a little gayby. I wanted to fly with Superman to his Fortress of Solitude and just hold hands and maybe kiss. (I was a kid, what did I know!)

 But now as an adult male who has done adult male things with other adult men (Anal is for everyone.) I find myself crushing on a different kind of superhero. Mark Ruffalo's portrayal as Bruce Banner is brown flower puckering. I swoon when I see that sexy nerd smile. Thor: Ragnarok was a brilliant comedy with eye candy shots of Chris Hemsworth and my eternal crush Mark Ruffalo. 

I did see Justice League this week and though not bad, I didn't find myself falling in lust with any of the characters. Which is sad because Henry Cavill is a specimen of a man but with a personality as flat as stale lube. Even Jason Momoa's Aquaman didn't stir any lusty urges, though there were some shots of Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne that caught my attention. (Maybe it was my mind wandering to that shower scene in Gone Girl.)

Oh Well, maybe next time DC.

Which Superhero do you lust after?

Was I being Flirted with or Harassed, and should I care?

With hundreds of thousands of blog posts being devoted to the eruption of Cosby, Weinstein, Spacey, Moore, etc., it is hard to add to the dialogue that isn't unique. 

But here I go. 

I have been the subject (not victim and that is controversial to say in itself) of groping, lewd conversations, harassment, inappropriate jokes, and more by BOTH SEXES and Orientations. By friends, strangers, and all that in-between, including close family friends and one god-parent.

In fact I had a sexual relationship with one of my professors when I was in my early twenties that began with a grope. However, I found out from a female classmate that had been propositioned by him that she was thinking of reporting him. I never disclosed my relationship with him nor did I discourage her from her inclinations. I also didn't forewarn him. I took such a neutral, indifferent stance that it still makes me wonder if I am not quite right when it comes to this topic.

But my point is, I have been the subject of unwanted sexual advancements that I ended up liking. So what does that say about me? And many times I didn't like it, and only once did I feel the need to report a time when I was sexually harassed, on a bus here in Atlanta. And even then I didn't feel like a victim. Actually I felt like a victim from the police officers who barely took my report of being flashed and then harassed, seriously. 

Here's the thing too, In the gay community we seem to hold aggressive, sexual advancements with a bit of levity that might not exist in other communities, some actually call it flirting. Not to say that is correct but it's true and prevalent. 

So what do you think about this topic? Very curious. 

To (gay) Russia With Love

I haven't blogged in a while. But when I logged back on here I saw that most of my recent audience stats were Russian. (United States and South Korea were the top two which makes sense since I am an American who lived in the ROK for 7 years.) I have always found Russian men hot. There is something about their stoic-ness that always got me heated. Something about the way I imagined them fucking in the snow with their fur coats in a deliberate way always seemed to pucker my brown flower. Anyway. I haven't really paid much attention to Russia or it's hot men unless it is CNN and Anderson Cooper discussing Russian probing---there is a bad joke there that I am not going to do! HA!

But the gay news about Russia isn't so hot. Gay men have been vilified in Russia and Chechnya. And Killed! I don't know what to do and it hurts my heart when I read or hear about the killing and torturing of gay men and women. So to my LGBTQ readers and allies of Russia, I love you and you are not deserving of this.

Now a palate cleanser, let's celebrate the hotness of Pavel Petel. If you don't know Pavel Petel, I suggest you check him out. He is an amazing gender queer artist!























How can we help the Chechnya and Russian LGBT?

Boys are fine but I want Men!

I first heard of Charli XCX when Iggy Azalea (remember her....... I know) was getting Fancy! 

Since then she hasn't really been on my radar but that changed with her latest video "Boys". I love the video, especially the way different shapes, sizes, and races are included. All the 'boys' are famous and yes good looking (Though my brown flower particularly puckered seeing Joe Jonas licking that milk off his face.) 

The song itself is catchy and you find yourself humming it afterwards. I like this trend of male objectifying. Next I want a song about Men, however!

Are you always thinking about Boys?

BTW: This is the lyric video because for some reason I can't upload the real video here. Go check it out though!

Masc for Masc: Internalized Homophobia or Just Preference?

So about two weeks ago, on my birthday, I was in Savannah. I wasn't there to cruise or hook up. I was only there to sun and rest from some turbulent 5 months at my job and to celebrate solo on my 39th birthday. But like all of us men, who love and/or fuck other men, do in a new city (unless we are in a committed, healthy relationship--phuleese!) I took out Grindr and Growlr and dipped into the local scene to see what type of fauna (bears, and otters and wolves--oh my!) was available.

Eventually I heard the notification ringing and the guy on the other end began the dance called: Do you wanna Fuck. But toward the end of the conversation, he asked if I was masc or femme. I can be a limp-wristed fairy especially when I am hocking lotion at work but I consider myself more neutral in mannerisms. Still I don't especially care one way or the other. When the wannabe 'Bro' pulled out that phrase, I gave his profile a deeper look and realized he was either very closeted and/or married or just a self-hating queer. None of which appealed to me.

I ended up blocking him but the question he asked continues to nag at me. I know that preferences are very sectionalized in the LGBTQ community but I wonder if that leads to or is systematic to internalized prejudices or fears. When people ask me what type of guy I like, I know, especially living in Atlanta and having lived in Korea, they are asking first on race and then consecutively on other qualifiers. I usually quip about being an equal opportunity employer on such matters (and mostly mean it) but it chafes at me how quick we are to categorize and label and yes I am aware I do it as well.

So that leads to my question: Is it Just Preference or Is It Discrimination?

RIP Romero

I believe zombies can happen. This is why they terrify me. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with all things horror. As an adult, I usually steer clear of horror with zombies, scary aliens, and evil. All other things I can handle but those I can't deal with and when it comes to zombies I partially blame Romero.

George Romero changed the world by introducing us to our deepest fears. He challenged us to ask are we really a vapid culture. Many times it wasn't the zombies who carried out great evil but the people reacting to the zombies. His legacy will be felt in the horror world for generations. Just stay in the ground George.

Thank you Mr. Romero.

90s Taboos: Masturbation

I remember in the 90s when masturbation was beginning to be de-fanged as it were. It was the first of the sexual taboos to become more and more talked about in the mainstream. Bill Clinton's surgeon general, Joycelyn Elders, was even promoting jacking off to help curb teen pregnancy and STD infections. She was promptly fired by President Clinton. Oh The Irony!

I never felt bad about rubbing one out. It feels good and well clears the head. And yes, afterwards, I always wash my hands. To me the best song and video of the 90s about getting off solo is the Divinyls 'I Touch Myself'. The song doesn't hold up well--most pop songs from the 90s don't--but I still remember listening to it so much I received it as a Christmas present from my mom. When it comes to music, my mom has never been one to really censor what we listen to. My mom is actually pretty bad ass.

Growing up gay as a teenager in the 90s was interesting in a sense I was on the cusp with everyone else when it came to breaking all sexual taboos in the mainstream. Sometimes I miss those feelings of discovery. And yes especially the thrill of touching myself in those early years.

What are your thoughts on fucking yourself?

Menage a YES!! Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron

So France and Canada have certifiably hot presidents. Not ugly but kinda hot because they are in politics so power makes them a little hot, but in every day life they would be borderline fugly. Looking at you Mike Pence.! NO! Truly hot. The kinda sex appeal that you could see yourself having a threesome with even though you know they might be uncut and Fromage might be on the table.

Yes French-Canadian Dick cheese. I hate dick cheese but for these two hot men, I could hold my nose and develop an acquired taste. OOOHHHH LA LA!

Plus they seem like good people with good politics.
I miss OBAMA!

Who would you hold your nose for to fuck?

Playing Gay: Is it the new Black-face?

Ryan Phillippe aka Billy Douglas

The first time I was aware of a gay character on TV was Ryan Phillippe playing a gay teen on One Life To Live. Soap Operas were a staple in my family's television consumption. It was also a source for a young gaylette to store jack off material pre-internet. Soap Operas were notorious for hot hunks going shirtless for no reason. Guiding Light was the one we never missed but we would flirt back and forth between other daily dramas. But in 1992 somehow I clued into the fact that dreamy Ryan would be playing Billy Douglas. Of course this was before Ellen's big reveal. I was 14 years old then, grateful to see a gay character on the screen even if the actor himself was straight. It was brave of him because it could have ruined his career and helped me be a little braver because I saw someone on TV with whom I could relate to.

Is Playing Gay The New Black-face

Flash forward to 2017. I am 38 and live an openly gay life in Atlanta. Gay characters abound on TV. Gay Sex is common place. Hell it is now seen as vanilla sex. There are more openly gay actors and actresses than ever so why the FUCK are so many gay characters being played by straight actors? It is no longer brave but now upsetting. I recently watched an episode of Dimension 404 on Hulu. Constance Wu, who I assume is straight but her Wikipedia profile is lack on the info, plays a lesbian army psychiatrist in the episode. Beyond the Twilight Zone tropes the show relies on the episode was nothing singularly spectaular but I was annoyed by the fact that the character could have been played by a number of gay or bi actresses.
I don't particularly understand why she was selected to play the character. It wasn't a brave choice. It actually was annoying and distracting. And insulting. I wondered if it was the equivalent of Black-face.

What are your thoughts on the subject matter?

Rent Boy for Hire?

Rent Boy for Hire?

I always wanted to be a prostitute. Yes, I have glamorized that life. The thing is I am not the type that can have sex with anyone. Now I am an Equal Opportunity Employer but I do discriminate against two things: manners and hygiene. The latter is really the one that will shut some shit down and cause the sphincter muscles to tighten. Bad breath, unwashed groin, dick cheese, and ass butter are not the things that turn me on. But you can fix a lot of what I just mentioned with some water and various types of cleansers. 

Bad manners however are a no-no. I recently kicked someone out of my bed (ok wasn't my bed but you get the point) because I knew he was only seeing me as a piece of meat to be used. I am not a FLESHLIGHT!

What got me on this topic is I realize a lot of us young fags turn to prostitution to pay for many things when we are younger and broke. I never hooked, but I did 'date' for things. (Blow jobs mostly) Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to turn tricks but I am older and like things like washed cocks and nice manners. Oh Well.

Here is a video by Willam Belli about hooking.
Enjoy.

Moonlight Movie Review: I am enough

Moonlight or

Why I am enough

I saw Moonlight after hesitating to see it each time it was released in Atlanta. Moonlight had a longer run in its initial drop in the Atlanta market. Living in this wonderful racially and sexually diverse city where your Lyft driver talks about how much she loves her son but knows he struggles as a young, gay, black man in such an open, honest way, keeps you in a bubble. I live in a bubble. With the election of Trump and the more I distance myself from my white, southern, rural roots, I feel safely enclosed in this bubble so much that I have the luxury of forgetting I was/am other in a way that is so wrong to so many.

I think that is why I resisted seeing Moonlight. I vaguely knew it was about a bullied, black kid growing up in harsh circumstances but is helped by a drug dealer and his kind girlfriend (Janelle Monae is a dream, truly). But I resisted seeing it because Little, the name of the main character as a child, looked familiar. I was Little. Other than not having the African-American culture as a backdrop to my childhood (I grew up in a trailer park in the south with a mix of races and ethnicities) and having parents who weren't addicts, I lived in the abject poverty Little did. I knew what it was like to have bad clothes, to boil water for your daily bath, to have roaches everywhere and anywhere. I knew what it was like to run into scary, dangerous buildings to hide from monstrous boys chasing after you like a creature from a classic horror film. I knew all these things because I lived all these things, so I didn't want to see the movie. What I didn't expect was to understand Little (now called Black) as an adult.

I posted something earlier about learning this year that I am enough. Rarely in my young and teen-aged life did I feel like enough. So instead I became similar to the ones who were telling me I wasn't enough. I didn't have the skills to slip into a hard external shell like Black did but I did slip into the next best thing, a mean gay. I hurt others because I needed to get there first. I still have the Chris who knows how to say the right thing to take someone down the way Black did in the scene where he gets revenge, but I keep him at bay, slowly telling him he is enough. Hoping one day he believes it. I thank Moonlight for showing me an ending where I can breathe, where Little can breathe. Even if it's air in a bubble.

Kelis: Flesh Tone

I knew who Kelis was before Flesh Tone. To me she was the milkshake girl, not as nasty as the neck, crack girl but equally ratchet before ratchet was a word in the vernacular. It wasn't until much later that I rediscovered her through her much underrated album Flesh Tone. Flesh Tone was produced by David Guetta but it has Kelis' much sensual stamp on the whole production. Sensuality is more than just about sex. It is why we now call things Food Porn or Word Porn. It invokes all senses. And Sensuality is not always about Sexuality because sometimes fucking is just fucking. Kelis brings more to her musicianship by using sensuality with the beats and lyrics and pauses. Listening to Flesh Tone has always given me a sense of aural euphoria. (I know how that comes across but it is how I feel each time I listen to it.)

It isn't a perfect album and has some missteps in the tracks that bridge the main songs but I do like the overall composition. And when I say missteps, I am really splitting hairs. Acapella was the main hit of the album but the song that always gets me in the mood for dancing is 22nd Century. Emancipate is a bit of a throwaway but still hits just right on the dance floor or in your living room after a couple of glasses of wine. I put a link to the album on YouTube, but Buy the Album. Support the artist.
https://youtu.be/QD91D-fFNRc

Fifty Shades Darker Review

I can count on one hand how many movies I walked out of: four. Walking out of a movie that you paid for is a big deal. It is like walking out of a date that you are fitting the bill for. You basically are wasting money before the climax (whether it's the movie or the date). The movies I walked out of are Pootie Tang, Life Aquatic, Norbert, and now Fifty Shades Darker.

I went into see the sequel even though I still remembered how the first one was dumber than me after a night out on Homo Hill. Fifty Shades of Grey was the first movie I went to see upon returning to the US. It was ok. The two leads were wooden and the story dumb but there was something there. Maybe it was a morbid curiosity about how straight/gay mainstream people view BDSM. (Gay sex is now vanilla even with oral and anal.) Still as dumb as it was, there was something in it that kept me in my seat. The thing is though I am a completist, so when the new one, Darker, came out I bought a ticket despite my hesitation. I walked out more than 30 minutes in.


I regret to tell you I then snuck in to watch Lego Batman because DAMN Darker was horrible and I needed a mental palate cleanse. I used to dabble in movie reviews that were not quite plot synopses so here goes one:
"One day you receive a gift from someone and the package is pretty and bright and expensive. The giftor in question is questionable. You only had sex once after a disastrous first date but the dick was sooooo good you kept his number in your phone along with the dick pic he sent you after wards. Sometimes to get off you think about that night and the kinky shit you did (deftly forgetting about the racially tone deaf way he talked to the Asian-American waiter). Sometimes you even text him and tell him how wet you are each time you think about his cock. So getting a surprise present from him isn't all that unexpected. In the nice pastel package with its black ribbon is a cock ring with real diamonds where the studs would be. At first you balk at this and then remember you haven't got nutted in or on in weeks. You agree to see him. The date is as bad as before. He told a story on how he screwed a competitor and was gleeful. Still the cock ring is in your bag and your mind is in the bedroom. Both of you........... Actually you came back to reality and walked out while he was in the bathroom and you were sexted by an ex who cosplays the Dark Knight but makes you laugh in bed."

Have you ever walked out of a movie?

Is Milo Yiannopoulos human?

Milo Yiannopoulos (not to be mistake for Milo Ventimiglia, gorgeousness and all) is a troll, something we all know but Milo is also the kind of man that sets humanity back in ways which can not be measured. In the periphery of pop culture, I had heard of him, especially his attack on Leslie Jones. Truth be told, I myself was not a fan of Ms. Jones when she first arrived on the scene of SNL but after watching her become comfortable in her place on camera and in the Ghostbusters reboot, (terribly maligned by horrible misogynists) I quickly saw the humanity in her comedy which was endearing. What Milo Y. did to her was the opposite of human, it was monstrous. It lacked human compassion.

I became a Buddhist about 4 years ago. The Buddhist way is about following The Noble Eightfold Path. For me the part of this path I find myself coming back to is Right Speech and Thought. This is hard when I see someone like Milo Y. speaking because my first thought is to fight him with the same arsenal he uses. That is a mistake. For one, Milo is better at it because he practices it on a minute to minute basis. He is up there with the likes of Perez Hilton who espouses to be a reformed bully but uses words to torment others with vile intentions. When a Buddhist meets a person like Milo, we are supposed to come at them with compassionate listening to understand why they are who they are. We are supposed to see the humanity in them. But my instincts I honed from my trailer hood days tells me some monsters wear human clothes to operate in this world. Milo Y. is not a human so therefore compassionate listening doesn't work. Milo Y. is a monster. I believe evil does incarnate. And sometimes it takes on familiar forms. 

Milo is a problem in many ways and I don't want this post to become a tl;dr one. But again how do you solve someone like him who says he represents gays when he also represents the worst in us and enjoys it? Men like Perez Hilton and Milo Y. thrive off of destructive rancor. Maybe to fight these types of virulent incarnations is to shed sunlight on them. 

Riverdale or Are Ginger Men Hot?

I just watched the second episode of Riverdale. Not sure how I feel about it. I didn't catch the first episode but did read a recap to catch up. Riverdale for those in the dark (my roommate being one of them) is a re-imagining of the ARCHIE comics. It is a grab bag of genres (pastiche for word nerds) that works mostly but sometimes falters. (Twin Peaks, Buffy, Gossip Girl, Heathers, etc.) But the teen show is distracting in its sexual tones and it also begs the question--since the nexus of the show and comics is a ginger--are red headed men hot? I am not talking about auburn headed men. That brownish tawny color that is the equivalent of a dirty blonde. No, I am talking about full on firecrotches. The kinda red that looks like it came out of a Feria box. In the show I find Archie vaguely hot. Yes he has the requisite muscular physique but his hair (obviously from a Feria box) is distracting and his bushy brows look in need of a YouTube glam tutorial. I am not sure if I am going to give this show a shot but the intrigue is there. And I ask you dear readers, are redheaded men hot?

The Year of The Cock!

Happy Lunar New Year! I am more than excited that it is The Year of The Cock. (Yes, I know Rooster but let's be real--Cock!)

I never liked calling the penis a dick. For me the word cock is more sexual in nature and let's face it there is nothing like a cocky guy cocksure of what he is packing underneath those grey sweatpants.

The first time I had my taste of a cock was when I was 18 years old. It was the summer before my senior year in high school. My birthday is in July and that year I started dating a older guy who was married to another guy. They both owned a local Ice Cream Cafe which my lesbian friend at the time (H) worked at. She introduced me to Chip and on my 18th birthday I was introduced orally to Chip's cock. After he shot his load he couldn't believe it was my first time. I guess I was born with it baby!



Who was your first cock!

DILF: Calum Best

Not sure Calum Best is a dad but he is a dude and yes I would love to have him fuck me.

I first saw Calum when I was hooked on Celebrity Big Brother UK. That was the strange nightmarish year Perez Hilton was on. Just realized this was two years ago and I was just about to leave Korea. Anyway.

Calum Best is HOT! Like the kinda HOT that you can feel your anus puckering, or (as my co-worker says pussy tightening) when you see him in a room or on TV or etc. 

Calum recently had a nude leak scandal. Not going to publish the nudes here because you can google them but let's say he gets his confidence honestly. Not BBC (and no I am not talking about the British Broadcasting Channel) big but definitely in Porn Penis territory. (I swear I am not a size queen. But big penuses are pretty!)

Here's to you Mr. Best!

Can Sex Be Spiritual?

I talk a lot about sex so when I discuss my spiritual side many think I am joking. I am a very spiritual person. Not religious (though I have been that as well) but I have a sense of God and forces outside of myself. However being raised in Christian Reich Country aka The Bible Belt of the USA, I was taught by many that sex for pleasure was unnatural, that it was only for procreation. As I got older and shed those beliefs, I fully embraced the secular, pleasurable side of fucking. I have had the kinda sex that was orgasmic beyond what could be imaginable to my young adult angst but on the other side of that I have wondered if sex could be spiritual. If a connection to cosmic forces (God) and moments of enlightenment could occur with the proper person(s).

Tantric sex is often talked about when sexuality does turn spiritual but tantric sex has always had an aura of exercise to it. Yes great sex is envigorating but should it be equated to a work out at the local gym? No! At least not to me.  The Kama Sutra also shouts of yogic training. I never found those pictures erotic or pleasing. This is something I will continue to meditate on as long as I am here on this realm.

Have you ever had spiritual sex?